tba

i'm scared. isn't everybody? even if you have faith that can move mountains. even if your life seems like the picture of happiness. whether it is that paranoid type of constant unsettledness or the nighttime alone scares or the only every once in a while, i'm scared. i'm scared of my future. what's in it? will i love it? can i do it? will i have children. i'm more afraid of that than anything else. i pray that God blesses me with a family.... i don't want a cookie one either. i want one that is just...ours. i want to spoil my kids, but appropriately. i want to teach them the importance of being kind, compassionate, following through things, and being responsible. and when they've got, really got, i'll let them skip school once or twice a year, for no reason. and i'll take them to do something really kool. i want them to live life responsibly and be good with money and plan ahead. but i want them to know that it's okay, and a riot, to be spontaneous. i want them to be afraid enough of me that they are motivated to avoid wrong, but should they find themselves in it, i want to be the one that they want to call... i want them to understand that while i may be disappointed in them or decisions that they make, but that my love for them will never waiver. will never change. and will certainly never go away.
i guess now i'll just wait for them...