Search This Blog

Friday, December 30, 2011

wee wee wee, all the way home

i'm a complex woman. (how's that for a loaded sentence, i can just hear the men laughing.)

i can, and prefer to, do a lot of things for myself that i could let a man do--change my own tire, cut my own grass, and...sheetrock. i possess a strength that sometimes surprises even me.
however...i am sensitive in a way that is completely out of character for this outer strength i display. in short, i am a big ole cryin' baby. which brings me to today's tale:

recently, i was spending time with my favorite person on earth. i knew that i was going to "pick up a pig" in a cattle trailer, but i dressed nice anyway. (i hadn't dressed nice in 2 days due to my vacation from work. you women are nodding who like to get gussied up...& i like for my man to like what he sees, which is also helped by the "nice" outfit.) back to the story.....i'm in an old pick-up truck with a large cattle trailer on the back. gussied up, comfortably between my only sunshine and his first cousin.

we rode a lil ways, laughin & talkin. and then we pulled up to a farm where a very large pig was sitting in another cattle trailer. as we approached i could feel my insides gettin worked up. there he was. "wilbur." my chest got tight. i started breathing heavier. "some pig." i could feel the tears stinging behind my eyes, just wanting to be free. "don't do it" i told myself. i wanted to do that hard cry that i mentioned before in a certain post about bustin my tail at the farm bureau insurance office. but this time i felt for him, not for me. an even worse cry. as i watched that handsome, tall drink-ah-water tap that pig on the hiney to get him to walk over into our trailer i whispered aloud, "oh my goodness, oh my goodness." and then, with the inner strength that surprises, i said out loud, "get a grip, chrissy. you eat at little pigs barbeque once a week. by yourself. you clean your plate. you smile. you feel satisfied. this is life. the circle of life. stop it." and i did. i sucked it up. just like that.

when the boys got back in the truck i said something really dumb and girly in a sad voice like, "aw....we're gonna eat him."

they were none the wiser, never included for one split second in my intense inner struggle.

and i will, eat wilbur. i'll just try not to think too much about it.