hmmm....

i've been reading about the crucifixtion. that's why He came. it blows my mind. so much about the bible, about Christ, i believe. i accept, even though i can't wrap my mind around it. what He endured for me is unfathomable. recently our youth pastor asked us how we would live every day if we had to watch the passion of the christ every morning before we started our day. that movie messed me UP. in the very best way. it was moving. i would live life differently...

mark 14:65 says, "they blindfolded him and beat him with their fists."
beat him with thier fists.
beat. him.
i've never been beaten.
i've never even been hit once in a way that really hurt.
i can't imagine having the crap beat outta me, while i can't even see where or when it's coming.

and another thing bothers me. pilate was a pawn.
there are things about God that are sometimes hard to swallow. he is no less God and because he is God he can do whatever he wants to.

pilate seemed regretful @ releasing barrabas instead of Jesus, talking about "washing his hands" of the whole thing. the bible is clear that pliate thought christ was falsely arrested and he basically said to the crowd, more than once, "are you sure...?"
but...
pilate never made a profession of faith that was recorded. he was used and wasn't one of God's treasures. his chosen. this is hard for me. it doesn't seem fair. but life is not fair. God is not fair.
so i guess the only thing i can take from this is that God can do, God can use, whatever, whomever, He wants to. and i need to be focused on being grateful that he chose me. saved me. loves me. uses me.