i love pictures that look different.

and i plan to get better at taking them,

but for now i love to edit them..

prone to wander

i love some new christian songs, contemporary, they're called.
and i could list some of them and how thier lyrics move me to tears...they do.

and yet, after growing up in a southern baptist church, and returning to the very same one now as an adult, i must admit, the old hymns are what really get me.

last night i was sitting beside my daddy, looking up at my sister (and others) leading in "come thou font of every blessing." i love that song, but some of the old hymns words are like the reading the king james version of the bible to me. too complicated initially, too much, require thought...

but when you do listen to them, think on them. oh the truth in them...

the verse that gets me every time is this,

oh to grace

how great a debtor

daily i'm constrained to be

let thy goodness like a fetter

bind my wand'ring heart to thee

prone to wander, Lord, i feel it!

prone to leave the God i love...

here's my heart, oh, take and seal it.

seal it for thy courts above.

i could have written that. easily. i feel like i've spent my life begging God to help me, to help me stay close to Him. (And i've learned that He's given me what I need to stay, I just need to use it. To do it.) "prone to wander, Lord i feel it, prone to leave the God i love!" i do love him and i do still, sometimes, want to wander. i'm amazed after all he has taught me how i still sometimes want to go my own way. sometimes i consider it for a moment and sometimes for days i'll struggle with his lead...

but......there is nothing new under the sun...the writer of this hymn in...(hold on, whilst i google when it was written...) the 18th century was a pastor and hymnist?? Robert Robinson...a pastor? he wanted to run the wrong way in the 18th century, like i do today, in 2011? that is somewhat relieving.

some other old hymns bring me to tears too...

-it is well with my soul: "my sin, not in part, but the whole. is nailed to the cross, and i bear it no more. praise the lord! praise the lord, oh my soul!"

-great is thy faithfulness: "thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not. as thou has been, thou forever wilt be."

-blessed assurance : "Jesus is MINE, oh what a foretaste of glory divine! this is my story, this is my song. praising my saviour all the day long!"


-how great thou art: "and when i think, that God, His son not sparing, sent Him to die, i scarce can take it in. that on that cross, my burden gladly bearing, he bled and died to take away my sin, then sings my soul, my savior god to thee....how great thou art, how great thou art.................."


what hymn gets you everytime?

sing it today.

sing it right now at your computer for Him.

and sing it more often.

a 31 year old's valentine's...

life can be painful.

i am 31 years old. i am currently single. i love valentines day. i love ridiculous romantic displays and i love how much children say "i love you" to me at work, because i know that they mean it.

i have made some stupid decisions. i have made some wonderful ones.
today, @ 31, i am the sum of those decisions. both good and bad.
and i am determined not to get in the way in of my life...what it can be.
and when i came home today to run with my lab, i felt painfully, excrutiatingly, sorry for myself.

and then i went to my parents house. my intention was to give to them, i cleaned her house and cooked dinner for them and then my sweet father came home...
he made me feel special, made me feel small (in the best kind of way). he has always had a way of doing that. and today, as he so often does, he did it, without saying a word...i can't even type this without tears streaming down my face, but i suppose that's the best part. his card spoke of remembering a little girl who cut out construction paper hearts to make homemade valentines and how much he loved her...and how much he still does.

and then my whirlwind of a nephew blew in. "CHRISSSSYYYY!!!!!!!!!" he yelled and then said, "here" cocked his head and said, "i love you." and we played for the next hour. he wore me OUT.

so, with a 52 year old and a 2 year old who love me more than they can really put into words, my 31 year old valentine's day wasn't quite so sad after all...

hmmm....

i've been reading about the crucifixtion. that's why He came. it blows my mind. so much about the bible, about Christ, i believe. i accept, even though i can't wrap my mind around it. what He endured for me is unfathomable. recently our youth pastor asked us how we would live every day if we had to watch the passion of the christ every morning before we started our day. that movie messed me UP. in the very best way. it was moving. i would live life differently...

mark 14:65 says, "they blindfolded him and beat him with their fists."
beat him with thier fists.
beat. him.
i've never been beaten.
i've never even been hit once in a way that really hurt.
i can't imagine having the crap beat outta me, while i can't even see where or when it's coming.

and another thing bothers me. pilate was a pawn.
there are things about God that are sometimes hard to swallow. he is no less God and because he is God he can do whatever he wants to.

pilate seemed regretful @ releasing barrabas instead of Jesus, talking about "washing his hands" of the whole thing. the bible is clear that pliate thought christ was falsely arrested and he basically said to the crowd, more than once, "are you sure...?"
but...
pilate never made a profession of faith that was recorded. he was used and wasn't one of God's treasures. his chosen. this is hard for me. it doesn't seem fair. but life is not fair. God is not fair.
so i guess the only thing i can take from this is that God can do, God can use, whatever, whomever, He wants to. and i need to be focused on being grateful that he chose me. saved me. loves me. uses me.

shakonohey!

this past fall we had a girls weekend. only the 3 of us. it was glorious.


on the way to our destination we joked about blogging about our trip.
i told them i would do it. (this was when we all had taken a facebook haitus.)

so i started saving things that we thought were hilarious in the notepad on my blackberry.
(and don't you hate when others don't find something funny that you, at the time, busted a gut laughing at...?)

lindsay said that she would blog too, but not really. like on paper. she would use a gluestick, literally "cut and paste" her photos in her blog. kinda like ole dolly. (there. that was one of the aforementioned funny things that we right nearly peed in our pants over.)


#1. ChickFilA 10:45. we had no comcept of time really because we were "winging" it on some of this trip. there were exactly three chicken minis left from breakfast, thank GOODNESS. however, after my sililoquy in the car on the WAY to chickfila about how glorious thier hashbrowns are and how they're better than anyone else's, lindsay got the last. dang....but she did save two for me. but none for mama. only we didn't even know mommer wanted one until she registered her complaint when got back in the car. we took a picture @ chick fil a...

please note that i have on no makeup.

#2. After being back in the car Gail said, "Chrissy, it's 11:43, put on your makeup."

#3. outlet mall shopping on day 2. mom (in a back brace, not important, but she was.) child in a stroller. stroller front sign: peanut allergy. stroller rear sign: peanut allergy. child bookbag hanging from stroller: peanut allergy sign. wow spelled backwards is still wow.

now i'm an elementary school teacher and i understand the severity of the peanut allergy.

however, he was with her. were the signs that much trouble to take off? did she think that someone was going to grab him outta there and shove something peanutty down his trap? it was just really too much. sadly, i did not get a photo of that.


#4. rack room. late afternoon. one of us, who will remain anonymous, said, "y'all, i tried on some of them frye boots. they are so expensive. fine, they're $180. can you believe that? i told myself that when i lose 30 lbs, i've gonna buy 'em for myself. i think i'm safe."

#5. i'm going to teach my mother to use a blinker if it KILLS me. "why won't they let me OVER?" "because they can't read your mind momma..."

#6. Disney store. (man, apparently all we did was shop!) weezie. is she cheap or thrifty? smart of over the top? upon our viewing of the halloween disney costumes my sister announced, "the pajama versions of most of these costumes are just as good as the $100 'official' costume. for real." i agreed with her. and then someone i bought a $21 red scarf at the gap. but it's a beauty and i knew i would "get a lotta wear out of it." (and now that it's feb i can say honestly that i did!)

women. who are related. we cover the gammut. (sp?) silly girls...

non dog lovers

people who don't like dogs or don't understand dogs act like they don't know anything about animals. this summer i spent a lot of time outside with zeva. and one morning i was reading and one of my neighbors made me really mad and really entertained simulataneously...

he looked at zeva and looked away, looked, looked away...and while he was walking away he kept looking back over his shoulder at her. so i say to you dear neighbor, "first of all, you know there is an invisible fence between you and her. you watched us put the thing in the ground. you have seen her avoid it like the plague for weeks. but even if there wasn't a fence, do you not understand that your repeated nervous eye contact is like a challenge to her? whether she interprets it as a game or a threat, she is a LOT less likely to just walk the other way if you will just walk away and stop looking. seriously don't turn around, good grief.

small town living

a few weeks ago i was at "the" ingles. i was feeling particularly haughty that day and was taking inventory of all that annoyed me:

-this persnikity (sp) old broad taking the 2nd magazine off the rack. i'm sure she'd heard the research on how many people touched that first one...

-the 16 year old who kept repeating loud enough to impress me, "i caint wait to git drunnnnnk tonight."

-the percentage of overweight people who passed me by

-and a woman who pinched the crap outta her misbehaving kid really got my insides going, but then...a wonderful thing happened.

one of the bag boys was pushing the buggy for a sweet frail ole bird back to her car. he was asking her questions, making eye contact and appeared genuinely interested in what she had to share with him. he wasn't too busy while they walked to her trunk.

sometimes small town living is more beautiful than anything else...

inspired

maemae inspired me to get back in the blogging game.
i have a lot to say.
i need to turn off my tv and read and write more.
lindsay r inspires me too...

so i start, tonight, after my date.
not with a guy.
girls night out date.