non dog lovers

people who don't like dogs or don't understand dogs act like they don't know anything about animals. this summer i spent a lot of time outside with zeva. and one morning i was reading and one of my neighbors made me really mad and really entertained simulataneously...

he looked at zeva and looked away, looked, looked away...and while he was walking away he kept looking back over his shoulder at her. so i say to you dear neighbor, "first of all, you know there is an invisible fence between you and her. you watched us put the thing in the ground. you have seen her avoid it like the plague for weeks. but even if there wasn't a fence, do you not understand that your repeated nervous eye contact is like a challenge to her? whether she interprets it as a game or a threat, she is a LOT less likely to just walk the other way if you will just walk away and stop looking. seriously don't turn around, good grief.

small town living

a few weeks ago i was at "the" ingles. i was feeling particularly haughty that day and was taking inventory of all that annoyed me:

-this persnikity (sp) old broad taking the 2nd magazine off the rack. i'm sure she'd heard the research on how many people touched that first one...

-the 16 year old who kept repeating loud enough to impress me, "i caint wait to git drunnnnnk tonight."

-the percentage of overweight people who passed me by

-and a woman who pinched the crap outta her misbehaving kid really got my insides going, but then...a wonderful thing happened.

one of the bag boys was pushing the buggy for a sweet frail ole bird back to her car. he was asking her questions, making eye contact and appeared genuinely interested in what she had to share with him. he wasn't too busy while they walked to her trunk.

sometimes small town living is more beautiful than anything else...

inspired

maemae inspired me to get back in the blogging game.
i have a lot to say.
i need to turn off my tv and read and write more.
lindsay r inspires me too...

so i start, tonight, after my date.
not with a guy.
girls night out date.

it's my party, and i'll work if i want to

2010. now i AM thirty. i can't believe it.
and i didn't even do what i said i would.
but i did spend the day with friends.

i read a friend's blog today and remembered that i had one.
that i'd neglected.

and i do love to write.
so much of writing is private.

but there are beautiful things to share.
so i will again.

i've been one of those people who have wanted more. more out of life. more out of a relationship. more money, more time, more... everything. but not in a greedy gluttonous way, just in an unfulfilled way.

i like to see the beauty in things. and while those two things may not make not seem like they fit together, they will...

i was in an office recently in the tiny town where I grew up. a town that i wanted some days desperately to escape from. a town where the people are not known for their intelligence or physical beauty, but for thier cars. thier job. thier church. thier...tan. how high their teased and sprayed hair is. a town much like that one that julia roberts lives in in the runaway bride.

so while i was there in this office two couples stopped by to have thier taxes prepared. they were gonna "git that free money from the government."

the first couple, a man and woman, came in together.
"mrs. ____, when is your birthday for this form"
"...1934. woo wee i'm so old."
"mr. ____ you didn't mind givin her a ride here did you?"
"well ah-course not, i rightly had to she is so old!" he banged his knee and shook with laughter, proud of his joke.
i found out later that she wasn't just a friend, but his "swee-dart." they had been sweedarts for quite some time, since thier first loves had past.

they asked about the office workers father, they grew up with him. since they hadn't had to file a return, they didn't know that he has been dead for almost 2 years."

later the other couple stopped in, two old birds. women. southern as the day is long. not from this tiny town of mine, but another, much like it, a few miles south.
"today is her birthday, my friend." they squealed with delight. the conversation flowed with unnessary, harmless gossip...
"well she moved over to that OTHER home. i heard the food is better there. but did you know they don't take insurance."
"he found a woman almost 15 years younger than him. what is that?" "well when you git to be our age i don't reckon it matters all that much!"

they went on for nearly a half hour catching up with the office worker, with each other...
"i sure do miss him [my husband.]"
"i wouldn't live anywhere but ______"

and while they were giggling like high school girls and just gabbin on i thought, beauty. this is it.
this is life.
this is what i want. to be that old and that happy. they were talking about actually looking back on life and being happy about what they saw, what they did. who they loved. how much.

that's what i want...

chance to feel

why the title?

one of my favorite songs, by a great band. veda. from the album, 'the weight of an empty room.'
the lyrics actually say, "i don't wanna deny my heart it's chance to feel"

props.

it's the most wonderful time of the year

every year i can't believe that Christmas here. and even more than that, i can't believe that it is over. so this year... i won't get caught in the rut. i won't let it pass by without my knowing. i'll see it where it is. i felt it just a few nights ago in the car, alone. it's here. this is it. i can enjoy or i can complain, once again this year, that i just don't know where it all went.

so... christmas carols are all over the radio. my favorite oldie: "here comes santa claus" the one where it sounds like he's saying santy claus. i can't remember who is singing...

and i dunno why, but i love that wham, "last christmas i gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away. this year to save me from tears i'll give it to someone special." hee hee.

i love the musical programs. the lights, even the poorly done ones.

i love christmas trees. they are everywhere and they are a beautiful expression of life.

i drove in my car listening to that music and giggling at some of those blow up things in people's front yards and i thought, "this is it. this is christmas."

i watched my family at thanksgiving laugh together while daddy wrote, "a chrysler 300 and some surprises" on his wish list and thought, this is it. this is christmas.

again when i received gifts from the kids. saw thier christmas t-shirts and sweaters, when we sang "let it snow let it snow let it snow, while it was 80 degrees outside, this is it.

and in all of this, i must... see Jesus. it is, in fact. the celebration of his birthday. and everything that followed that night. when i think of the fact that Jesus loves me at all, I am humbled. and to think that He wants to care for me and be my friend is sometimes more than i can take.

so this year...i will not let it pass me by, not any part of it.
it is here. right now and as i wrap each present and watch as it is torn open, i will take it all in.

merry Christmas.